Taxed Mule

Taxes
Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries, then
Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his past

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin ,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
" Taxes drove me to my doom..."

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Be The Mule That You Gotta Be

song performed by

Queens of the Stone Age

"Give the Mule What He Wants"
The mule want it

The mule want it sunday

He'll eat it

He'll eat it one day

How long

Do I wait

Be the mule that you gotta be
Underwater, underwater one day

Gonna sink it, make em think it's too late

For your love

For your love

Be the mule that you gotta be

The Farmer and The Donkey

photo Jeffrey Hage

http://upchucky.net/~upchucky/flash-fun/farmer-donkey.swf

Once there was a farmer who owned an old mule. One day the mule fell into the farmer's well and the farmer heard the mule "praying" or whatever mules do when they fall into wells.
After carefully assessing the situation, the farmer sympathized with the mule, but decided that neither the mule or the well was worth the trouble of saving. Instead he called all his neighbors and enlisted them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of his misery. Initially, the old mule was hysterical, but as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought struck him. It dawned on him that every time a shovel load of dirt landed on his back, HE COULD SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP! This he did, blow after blow,
"Shake it off and step up ... shake it off and step up!"He repeated this to encourage himself. No matter how painful the blows, or how distressing the situation seemed, the old mule fought "panic" and just kept right on
"shaking it off and stepping up!"It wasn't long before the old mule, battered and exhausted, finally
STEPPED TRIUMPHANTLY OVER THE WALL OF THAT WELL!What seemed like it would only bury him actually helped him ... all because of the manner in which he handled adversity.

He's My Best Friend And I'm Not Getting Rid of Him

"Man rides mule from Minnesota to Wyoming "

GILLETTE, Wyo. - He rode his mule into town looking for work.

No, it wasn't the opening scene of a Western movie. It was what Rod Maday
did last week, ending a six-week odyssey from his hometown of Boy River,
Minn.

"I've done about 1,500 miles and I've got the saddle sores to prove it," he
said.

Maday said he lost his driver's license 10 years ago after he was accused in
a hit-and-run, and was having a hard time finding work in Minnesota. He
heard that Wyoming had plenty of jobs that paid well.

He set out with two mules. About a month ago, both mules got loose and one
was hit by a car. It had to be euthanized.

Maday arrived at the Department of Workforce Services office on Friday
morning wearing a torn shirt, dusty blue jeans, spurs and a cowboy hat.
Astride his brown and silver mule, Henry, he caused several double-takes.

He didn't stay long. He said some teenagers had yelled "uncalled for" things
at him while he was riding into town the night before.

"Gillette's nothing like what I had thought," he said.

He left Saturday morning, riding west toward the Bighorn Mountains.

"I could probably get a job and stay here, but I'm not willing to part with
my mule," Maday said. "He's my best friend and I'm not getting rid of him
for nothing."

Photo Credit Jonathan Pickard

Everybody's a Winner ~ A Flop Eared-Mule

From Trailer Park Rangers:

Everybody's a Winner

Everyone's a winner in this town
Come on in and shake it loose and spread your love around
Everyone's a winner in this town
We're riding six white ponies, talkin' horses all around

Everyone's a winner in this town
Didn't someone tell you, you can't fall far down
There's a rumble in the jungle
There's a monkey on the back of the flop eared mule
And you're the flop eared mule

If only you had juice to buy the money
You'd take a trip to higher ground, where honey
Would soothe your lips, like a sugar kiss, but buddy
Your chompin' on the brittle bits
Like a baby on his mama's tits but
Everybody knows, you ain't nobody's fool

Cause everyone's a winner in this town
We're junkies for the bitter pill and everybody's high
Everyone's a winner in this town
Just load 'em up with monkey shit And let 'em tow the line

Everyone's a winner in this town
Sinners make good winners, losers make the winners ride
There's a rumble in the jungle
There's a monkey on the back of the flop eared mule
And you're the flop eared mule

I wanna be the light, be the light, shinin' on the light
Wanna turn it on now, turn it on now
I wanna be the light, be the light, shinin' on the light
Wanna turn it on now, turn it on now
Wanna be hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot
Wanna drive the biggest car, drive the biggest car

No Laughing Mule

"I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. See, my mule don't like people laughin'. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now, if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it."
"A Fistful of Dollars"

Phishmule

Scent of a Mule:
a gift from Trey and Friends

Kitty Malone sat on a mule
Was riding in style
When suddenly, like the sound of a buzzards breaking
Kity felt laser beams being fired at her head
She said, I hate laser beams
And you never done see me askin
For a ufo
In tomahawk county

Well she kicked the mule
And it walked the path
And the aliens fired from behind
Till she stopped the mule
And she kicked the rump
And the big old mule took a big old dump

Scent of a mule, you better watch out where you go
Take your laser beams away
Scent of a mule, you better watch out where you go
You better stop that laser game
Or youll smell my mule

She felt the fire against her neck
And it saddened her to feel it burn
When suddenly, like the sound of a breeding holstein
Kitty said, stop, we aint lookin for fightin
In tomahawk county.

A little guy from the ufo
Came on out and said his name was joe
She said, come on over for some lemonade
Just follow me now with the whole brigade

Chorus

They walked into her cabin shack
They had never seen a southern home
And they liked it, better than their ufo
They liked it, they really liked it
They said, heres a place of elegance
Here we shower ourselves in lightness

Stubborn Mule

In Chinese Mythology Zhang Guolao was one of the eight mythological people who became immortal through chance or bizarre circumstances and in mythology he is referred to as the stubborn mule...

his story goes like this:

ZHANG-GUOLAO: One of the EIGHT-IMMORTALS. He's the original black belt at Origami.

This splendid old character did it his way. He simply refused to die. He did drop dead once, but just got up again and carried on as if nothing had happened. That's the kind of never-say-die spirit we approve of.

Furthermore, he had an amazing magic donkey which could be folded up like a piece of paper when not in use. No parking fines for him.

ZHANG-GUOLAO is now revered as the patron of the elderly. If only he would turn his thoughts to paper aeroplanes, he could revolutonize the aeronautics industry.

Here's Your Mule

Forty Acres and a Mule Special Field Orders, No. 15, Headquarters Military Division of the Mississippi, 16 Jan. 1865. Orders & Circulars, ser. 44, Adjutant General's Office, Record Group 94, National Archives. As Union soldiers advanced through the South, tens of thousands of freed slaves left their plantations to follow Union general William Tecumseh Sherman's army. To solve problems caused by the mass of refugees, Sherman issued Special Field Orders, No. 15, a temporary plan granting each freed family forty acres of tillable land on islands and the coast of Georgia. The army had a number of unneeded mules which were also granted to settlers. News of "forty acres and a mule" spread quickly; freed slaves welcomed it as proof that emancipation would finally give them a stake in the land they had worked as slaves for so long. The orders were in effect for only one year. In the Field, Savannah, Georgia, January 16th, 1865. III. Whenever three respectable negroes, heads of families, shall desire to settle on land, and shall have selected for that purpose an island or a locality clearly defined, within the limits above designated, the Inspector of Settlements and Plantations will himself, or by such subordinate officer as he may appoint, give them a license to settle such island or district, and afford them such assistance as he can to enable them to establish a peaceable agricultural settlement. The three parties named will subdivide the land, under the supervision of the Inspector, among themselves and such others as may choose to settle near them, so that each family shall have a plot of not more than (40) forty acres of tillable ground, and when it borders on some water channel, with not more than 800 feet water front, in the possession of which land the military authorities will afford them protection, until such time as they can protect themselves, or until Congress shall regulate their title. The Quartermaster may, on the requisition of the Inspector of Settlements and Plantations, place at the disposal of the Inspector, one or more of the captured steamers, to ply between the settlements and one or more of the commercial points heretofore named in orders, to afford the settlers the opportunity to supply their necessary wants, and to sell the products of their land and labor.

Farmer's Mule)

LYRICS

A Farmer came to camp one day, With milk and eggs to sell, Upon a mule
who oft would stray, To where no one could tell. The Farmer, tired of
his tramp, For hours was made the fool, By everyone he met in camp,
With "Mister, here's your mule." Come on, come on, Come on, old man,
And don't be made a fool, By everyone you meet in camp, With "Mister,
here's your mule." His eggs and chickens all were gone Before the
break of day, The "Mule" was heard of all along, That's what the
soldiers say. And still he hunted all day long, Alas! the witless
fool, Whil'st every man would sing the song Of "Mister, here's your
mule." The soldiers ran in laughing mood, On mischief were intent;
They lifted "Muley" on their back, Around from tent to tent. Thro'
this hole, and that, they push'd His head, -- And made a rule, To
shout with humerous voices all, I say" "Mister, here's your mule!"
Alas! one day the mule was miss'd, Ah! who could tell his fate? The
Farmer like a man bereft, Search'd early and search'd late, And as he
pass'd from camp to camp With stricken face -- the fool Cried out to
everyone he met, Oh! "Mister, where's my Mule."

can't leave it alone